Monday, August 17, 2015

Nature whispers to you, if you're open to listen...

The other night the temperature finally cooled off and something compelled me to strike out to explore the trails on our property. I snowshoe on them in the winter months.  Which that is a season that looks and feels much different then it does now, mid August. 

Walking I find therapeutic and try to walk on a daily basis to help control my Multiple Sclerosis. With the heat wavs we are having this summer I haven't been walking as often as I would like. But that evening it was so peaceful and it was something I really needed. 

As the sounds of nature called out around me. It was in a way, that silenced my inner voice, calming my racing thoughts, giving me a sense of comfort. Feeling I was where I needed to be at that moment in time. 

I felt a presents, a spirit or something greater, come over me. Its' presence, I hadn't exsperianced in a long time. Whispering"...... there is something more to life, then what you have experienced so far....something, exceptional planned for you in time to come. You just needed to be patient and believe ..... " Thus, leaving me question; "Has my life I have been living, all been laid out for me before somehow? Is this all to teach me what I need to know?"

With this rare kind of openness,  I began to notice the smallest of things that nature has created and we seem to over look them in our busy lives. 

Making me realize what a small part of the world we are in. That I am in!  That there is so much more out there to see and experience. Thinking how lucky I am to have this here and experience this place in nature that so many will never see or know it exists. What a gift I have had, growing up in the country surrounded with nature. Somehow it had healed so much pain I had endured at such a young age. 

"Sometimes you Win and sometimes you Lean. " ~JC Macwell  For me, I choose to Learn 

I now know some people will never leave the cities or black top roads to experience what it is like to walk among the forest and trees. To pick wild raspberries from their branches, tasting  how juicy they are .  

In some way, all this makes me feel safe but the same time so alone living in this northern small town.  Our nabours great people which can not be seen but heard from a distance. Yet, leaving one feeling close, if one is in need. We are nabours who know each other and pop in for a visit. I don't do that quite as often as I should. They do leave me feeling closer to them then some of our family members. 

It's impossible to walk in the forest and be in a bad mood at the same time. ~Unknown 

It is amazing how getting out side and going for a walk can be so calming and help clear our minds of our daily struggles. 

Wishing you the peacefulness and the confidence you may need for yourself today. 

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Note to me! heat + humidity = tremors

This morning I woke up and I leisurely, made my way to our porch where I peacefully enjoyed a cup of coffee.  What a great way to start our days viewing our beautiful pond. Even more enjoyable when my husband and my children get to join me.

Just like most days I am rushing to get the errands done, soon I become aware that my legs aren't feeling normal.  They begin to feel weak and begin to shake. A shake that's not visible to anyone, but I can feel. Hanging the last peace of clothing on the line I can feel the summer heat turning up it’s power.

Thinking to myself; "I dam well better get my arse in gear so I can get what I need today before these legs get too shaky !” 

I have come to take pride in the old way of living. Where the woman looks after; the house, the food, making meals clean cloths and whatever else the family may need. Even now fighting my monster, these daily chores are high on my priority list to try and keep my life to the normal living we have had over the years.

Experiencing these tremors, reminds me that I have to put my physical needs first on my daily priority list, again. I need to start exercising, walking and myself first and my day. That way it’s done and out of the way.  The weakness and tremors only get worse as with heat/humidity. I know in the past with being in better physical shape, this weakness and shaking wasn’t as bad as today. 

To my surprise I came across an article on my Facebook news feed explaining this exact thing. Ataxia Tremors it is called. Reading it it backed up my own theory that I, was not getting enough activity before our heat wave have came….. if I had been more physically prepared I would not be experiencing these Ataxia Tremors as bad. With out it being visible to others, I feel I was luckier then others out there that have more problems that come with this symptom.   

Oh, yes! I knew I was going to struggle to complete my errands,  rushed to get everything done and return home before it became visible to others. I have always tried to hide what I feel and whats doing on with me, even before my diagnoses of Multiple Sclerosis. 

I always try to be that strong woman the community all looked upon, before my illness, not that it really matters. It’s a thing I try to do so I don’t get the pity response from everyone…….   

On this day with the  humidity quickly came the anxiety.  It started as I slowly walked up and put my stuff so the cashier could ring my things through. I don’t know why the anxiety started as I knew this girl and often chatted to her on a friend level.  She kinda gave me a funny look , like as if to say, "oh! She's having a bad day.'s ok, we all have our bad days.” , then smiled noticing that I was much slower then any other day and not quite myself. She didn't comment or say anything as I felt she was trying to ease  my pride and it was ok to me. 

I started to choke up.... I was trying not to say much.... 
I was thinking to myself; " At lest she knows that I have MS and  I am not drunk!  ...Dam you MS, for trying to do this to me !!! ……… 
I felt a lump in my throat get bigger and I began saying to myself; "Don't you cry!…..Don’t….. cry! Dam it don’t you cry! …Breathe…"

I know if I did cry , this poor young lady would want to say something….just hoping to ease the awkwardness, I could feel that we both where feeling. She is a very ….. kind soul.

I just wanted to get my errands done  that day and beet this "bastard" inside of me. He’s not just playing with my body he often plays with my emotions… get the attention I refuse to give this bastard within! 

Most people in our community know that I often keep to myself and can be stubborn. They also know that if I am bad enough and need help, that  I will  ask for it.  Just as the other symptoms we with MS have, the anxiety and the tremors are both are not visible to others at this stage, for me. I must say; "I am happy for that." 

When I got back home, I pulled out my phone and retread that article about Ataxia Tremors!  Wow! Yes I need to get back at being more active and get on top of my health with diet and exercise! I will do what I had done before….. start with walking!!!

So I am going to go back out in that heat and walk laps around my cool pool. I am going to drink lots of water remain positive …... I am going to get that Monster back in his box!!!  I will enjoy the summer and sun today! Just I'll do it MY WAY! 

Thanks again, 

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Remembering summer living as a child in the Almaguin Highlands area ofOntario

As I sit here on my porch overlooking my view, I must say I am loving the sounds of summer in August! The birds, the frogs, the fire-fliescrickets and best of all, until dusk ......... NO FLIES!
My Front Lawn!
Photo by; MS and Living Life -Sherry

As pleasant images flash through through my visions in my mind, I smile, feeling a lump in my throat.  Knowing now,  how my parents gave us a gift that can never be bought, nor forgotten. Reminiscing some of my best childhood memories of growing up living on the Forest Lake River, in the Almaguin Highlands area of Northern Ontario.

Photo taken by; Josh & Carrie Gilson-Arra
Photo by; Josh & Carrie Gilson-Arra Sunset on the Forest Lake River, Ontario.
We moved in the country, when I turned 5. Although  we lived about a 10 minute drive from town.  I remember,  my brother and I complained that our friends lived to far away. When I got older, it was an hour plus bicycle ride over hills and around corners. and often once I got to town, I turned around and headed back home! It was just a long enough bike ride that our friends thought it was too long of a ride to head out to visit us.  Looking back now, I know ..... it was a good thing living a good distance from town.  

So needless to say, it became a time in my life, my brother was my best friend..... for he was not only my bud, but teacher and mentor, I looked up to in many ways. He thought me so many things; from spearing pollywogs with his bow, hook my own worm, how to catch fish, when I tripped and fell, to pick myself up and keep going..... respect others, protecting not only those who couldn't protect themselves but most of all, to love, protect and defend myself. He was always there for me then, when I needed him.  Sometimes, maybe I was a little too aggressive, but I learned how to show others, where my boundaries where. Now looking back, to me that was a good thing!

Photo by; Jessica LaPorte
Lilly-Pads on the Forest Lake River, Ontario.
Although it was a time my brother and I where close, I often spent time to myself.   Learned there where people out there that could hurt you in many ways....But that was okay!  I learned a lot about myself; what I liked, what I could do and thought of a life I may have when I grew older, as we all do. But, this was a time in my life,  I really started to enjoy the country life and all that it offered. I began to like myself and most important of all..... I, felt safe. 

Canoeing the Forest Lake River, Ontario
Canoeing the River
Photo by; MS and Living Life -Sherry
Yes, this was a time in my life, it was all about planning out; my next canoe adventure through the lili pads, seeing beavers, calling loons up to our dock, wondering how close I could get them to me before they realized I wasn't their mate.( I mean of me, eh?) *Smirking* .  

Sunsets of Forest Lake River, Ontario where I grew up!
Photo by: Sherry MS and Living Life
Sunset of the Forest Lake River, Ontario. The island. 
Oh, I can't resist not to mention that often, I tried beating my record of how many times I could swim around the island I front of our house. I was a strong swimmer at this time and often believed I would become a lifeguard!  (But thats another story for another time.) I had my own competitions of how many frogs I could catch from the canoe in the Lilly Pads and then let them go. I even remember teaching some of our southern friends/visitors, how to catch frogs at night along the river-side and causeway, then having a frog leg fry.  At that time, they tasted like chicken to me, now not so much!

Oh boy how our property and the river itself,  really gifted our family with great memories and of course the best sunsets ever!

I now know why my parents moved from down south to raise a family in Northern Ontario!

Beautiful Sunset from where I grew up on the Forest Lake River, Ontario
Photo by: Sherry MS and Living Life
Sun Set of the Forest Lake River.

What was your best memories of August and this time of year, when you where younger?  I would love to hear about them by email or in the comments bellow.

Remember, enjoy life and .... "It's never too late.....