Recently I have been absent from social media, not because I was wanting to but I have been playing my own super hero personality, my MS Warrior with fighting another flue bug. This time a bad sinus cold which had turned into an infection. Not just in my sinuses I have left it and it went into my inter ears as well.
Normally, for people who do not have MS, you would go to the doctor and they would give you some type of antibiotic to clear up the infection and you would rest and get better. Well those of us with MS, well its a little more complicated. Not only do we go through this process but, in addition, the infection wakens the MS Monster within us with vengeance! Fighting with the force that can through us into a s flare-up or even a relapse. Relapses can be so severe that can possibly cause us permeant damage.
Our immune system is already fighting and eating away at our good cells and tissues. Once the immune system realizes their is an infection it kick in to a higher gear eating away all cells good and causing us to have a flare up. Meaning the immune is attacking everything in our bodes and our symptoms become active announces its presents physically and mentally. At this time, this is not only felt by us but seen the affects to others by looking upon us. Slurring speech, dizziness= staggering or bumping into things, memory loss, not able to carry on a conversation, become very weak. Not only do I experience this but I get a brain ache. Yes, it isn’t a headache. our hearing and vision either diminishes or becomes oversensitive. I also could hear my eyes blinking in my interear. Similar to hearing your heart beat when you have a high fever.
A few days into my antibiotics, thinking I was getting somewhat better and needed to get outside for some fresh air, I decided to wander down the street to my youngest sons house. If I needed a ride home, I know he, our family and his friends where there and knew they would drive me home.
I was pleasantly greeted by my granddaughter, Ashley, almost 2 years old now. She was running toward me as I walked slowly up their drive as she yelled; “Nanna! Nanna! Nanna! Nanna here!” Which made the short journey worth while, just to experience that and a big hug from her as we met.
We ventured to the back of the house to join everyone talking and visiting. Within a short time I was feeling over whelmed, and felt an unexplained urge to cry. What the heck is going on I thought, as I was trying to hold it back.
Within moments my husband asked me if I was alright, explaining I didn’t look well. I said I don’t know. Think maybe I need to go home….. and I started uncontrollably started to cry. Everyone became quiet and turned to look at me . I said I don’t know whats going on? …
I don’t know why I am crying? …. I can’t help it!! I don’t know whats going on??? and i cried more!!!
|Extreme Emotions and MS|
Everyone looked at me wondering what the heck was wrong with me? You could see the look on their faces. I could feel and read their thoughts; "Everyones enjoying themselves and she’s crying? What the hell?”
I quickly through my hands in the air and explained it must be my MS because of my flare up, I don’t know why I am crying? I am happy to be here? Ashley just made my day. I am so thankful I could walk here, its not that far but…….Its got to be my MS cause I have done this laughing too? Sorry for crying I explained, the uncontrollable laughing is more inlighting and funny to see!!
My son, the clown he can be, and caring for me, starts walking over to me. As he hugs me he says; “ Aw, Mom, we all love you, you don’t have to cry, we understand, your just so happy to be with us!” and laughs braking the ice. Everyone starts laughing! I begin to laugh and cry at the same time….quickly everyone started in too. Oh, how I am thankful my son has a nack to make an embarrassing moment something to laugh about.
Looking back, I choose to see how this as benefited not only me but those around me. Even thought they don’t always see what the MS Monster is doing to me, they can gain some understanding of what I am going through.
This will became one of my great memories. Similar to the time we where at a funeral for an older family friend. Right in the middle the eulogy of a well known, respected community member of our small town, I broke out laughing and couldn’t stop! People looked on with discuss and some with humour. Some began to giggle.
Later the family asked with curiosity, what I was laughing about? I was very embarrassed. I explained that another friend had called us and had somehow locked himself in his garage and we had for got to go let him out. It really wasn’t that funny. But now, looking back on it, as it was before I found out I had MS, it was a sign, or a symptom of Multiple Sclerosis.
And, just maybe our friend who passed, wanted to give his family something to laugh about at their sad time?
I never really thought too much about these extreme emotional outbreaks I would have, until after my diagnosis. The news of my diagnosis up set many in our small community. So much so some would later come visit me and offer their help if I ever needed it. Remembering one supply teacher I had in grade school. She had taken over the class when my teacher had to take a leave of absence do to an MS Relapse. She explained to me she now understood my emotional laughing out breaks I would have in class. I don’t remember doing this, but do remember I tried to be the clown in the class so I could get out of doing some of my work. Not understanding why I was doing so good in school one day and the next I couldn’t read and had to relearn!
So, sometimes as playing super hero and playing an MS Warrior with this Multiple Sclerosis monster, we can not control the things the monster triggers within us, but we can turn the experiences into something positive and allow us to laugh at it. By choosing to see the positive from my experiences, I believe it helps me realize so many blessings I have in my life. It helps me realize how important it is to look after my health; distressing, getting enough sleep, eating healthy and getting the right amount of exercise is important. But a Must!
I am learning my health must come first ,above and before all other things , to keep me healthy.
I thank you for taking the time to read about my experiences.
With all my love, MS and Living Life.