Sunday, March 1, 2015

Why am I withholding my diagnosis of MS?

I have been contemplating on letting it be known and freely voice that I have Multiple Sclerosis, MS for sometime now. I have come to realize that I have become a quiet person and withdrawn myself from society.  I am the same person I have always been. I have had this monster living within all my life. I have kept quiet at times because I am was ashamed or in denial of this stigma of the disease itself. Withdrawing, I feel it has been due to dealing with the impact of the reality of the diagnoses and the fears of what comes with that.  I have learned being diagnosed with MS is not a death sentence but a life sentence that just needs to be managed to substance my quality of life.   The fear of the unknown.

Fear is a liar that crushes the dreams and lives of many.  

Some of you probably have noticed, I have moved my  original Facebook page even and tried to leave MS behind me.  At this point maybe little bit of denial and being labelled with the stigma of becoming wheelchair bound.  I have tried to barrie myself in; fitness, health and wellness only to learn I keep coming back to this dam MS monster. I am learning no matter what I do, everything is affected by it, good or bad. The great thing I am learning is how to control this beast within.  I am learning what he likes that gives him strength and what he dislikes that give me the control I need to live my life.  

I hear and see others that are battling MS, pleasantly, many with great success. Everyone had their own journey with MS.  Each one of us are different and experience things differently.  Which is why they also call it the “SNOWFLAKE DISEASE.”  

Why am I withholding my illness? Hell, I live in a small town and it isn’t like everyone here doesn’t know anyway!  When I got ill  the bad  news traveled through town like a raging fire.

Like they say:"Bad news travels faster then good news these days!"

How would I ever feel I could hide this kinda news? LOL After all, I was the second lady in town who got her A-Z drivers license, the first woman was not retires.   As if that didn't get me known in this mall town but I was not only a Heavy Equipment Hauler but also an Operator!  In the early 2000's, that was not seen in this northern small town as it is now.  

Since my diagnosis, has my life changed? Dam right it has!! I am the same person I always have been, only I look at life differently and the things life has to offer.  I don’t take things for granted anymore.  Everything is a blessing to me and I appreciate more of the small things in life.  

My goal now is to step out of that comfort zone and let my voice be heard.  Share with others,  how even being ill with MS, we can choose our path in life, have goals.

I want to show others and those who are ill that things knock us down and stand in our way of our plans.   But no matter what, we don't have to give up on our future dreams we have but, that we might have to compromise on how to reach those goals !  We need to trust that along the way we will learn more then we ever expected and become better people, with our journey with rougher roads and experiences.  

March is MS Awareness Month.  I look forward to stepping out and stepping up and sharing and teaching what I have learned that MS is like to live with.  Help people understand what MS is and most of all what it is not.  Please give to the MS Research and lets find a way to stop this monster at his first appearance. 

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