Hello April 2020

Before something great happens, everything falls apart.  Now that is a great quote for this post!

Wow it is hard to believe the time as zoomed by so fast and it is now 2020. How fitting this quote is as it seems my health and wellness fell apart and I look forward in seeing the great things that lay ahead for us.

As my readers could assume that yes I have had health issues and I had to stop blogging for a bit.  I really hope to get back at this blog and sharing how my life is, as I am living with Multiple Sclerosis now?

I have been having relapses and I have had new lesions on my brain.  Now recently in February 2020 my last MRI report has came back saying I have had two lesions that have grown. I have been living with this illness now, soon to be 10 years.  I am struggling physically but still walking without aid of any kind.  So I think I am doing pretty good.

So, yes it seems things have to fall apart before before great things happen.  I do believe this year great things are going to happen for many of us.   Positive mindset is my key this year to any success.

I am hear and I am still fighting back to gain this health and wellness thing.  I will not give up.  It is time I start sharing once again.  I look forward in spending some time here with you as I share things of interest that benefits me with this chronic illness called M S.  Hoping it may help you or others as well.

Thank you,
Sherry

Why I cut my long hair off?

"Eeeeeek!" AsI heard the sound of my six inch hair sliding down the back side of the hairdressers cape as the clippers buzzed. Yep! It was too late to change my mind! I quickly raised my hand and ran my fingers through the back of my head!


"Wow, its all gone!" I thought. As the girl asked me  for the third time, if I was okay with it being gone.

Sensing, she too was just as hesitant on quickly cutting it so short. ....
"Yes!" I said "To late to turn back now, isn't it?" and laughed. "It will grow back fast if I don't like it anyway! No worries! Its' going to be a  big change for me!"

I was pleased when she explained to me how thick my hair is and how full my new cut would look. I was happy as when I started my drug modifying therapy drugs, (DMT's), Copaxzone injections, the first few months my hair was coming out by the handfuls.  Scared the crap out of me! I honestly thought, I would never have a thick head of hair again.  So this was a relief.

Surprisingly, the big heap of hair that she swept up when she was done, made me feel good. Happy to have it off, as I knew it would be so much easier to look after and do in the mornings. Good hair for me is the best way to start my day.

Now, a couple days later, I often catch myself running my fingers through my hair still. A habit I have gained having long hair. But when reaching the back where I used to let it drop as it reaches the end.  Awkwardly, now feeling its shortness, I find my self saying; "Oh yes! Its' gone!"

Still this being so new, I also find myself taking a double take in any one of my mirrors around my house, taking a second take, saying; "What the hell?" Then I quickly remind myself, "You cut it off." Shake my head at myself, smile, giggle a little and go on with what I was doing.

This isn't the first time I have done a drastic cut to my hair when I worked hard to let it grow long. This time, I just couldn't let it grow any longer. It took me so long to do, dry and manage. More energy then I wanted to spend, on just doing my hair each morning. Also, my hands and fingers don't always want to work with me on somedays, with MS. So assuming this is going to make it easier too. I am hoping that the little headaches will not come back, feeling they where being caused from the heaviness of my hair.

You see, I feel I  had a M S pseudo relapse a couple weeks ago.  I knew it a new hair cut would give me that spark and the lift I needed to keep pushing myself, mentally and physically to regain control of my health.

I am so happy with this hair cut. I am glad I stepped out and took the chance to change something that is such importance to me.   I was debating  to do it for some time.  When contemplating cutting it, I replayed  the voices of a few good friends, in my mind telling me, how much better I look with short hair. Thank you for those who are honest and chance to voice their opinions. Plus, thanks to hubby for telling me it looks sexy! ;)

I know doing my hair is so much quicker to do.  Leaving my morning routine quicker and easier. Now it will be easier for my to follow this one saying,  No matter how you feel. Just get up. Dress up, Show up and Never give up!

A change is good!

Have yourself a great day!
MS and living life..... Sherry

Note to me! heat + humidity = tremors

This morning I woke up and I leisurely, made my way to our porch where I peacefully enjoyed a cup of coffee.  What a great way to start our days viewing our beautiful pond. Even more enjoyable when my husband and my children get to join me.

Just like most days I am rushing to get the errands done, soon I become aware that my legs aren't feeling normal.  They begin to feel weak and begin to shake. A shake that's not visible to anyone, but I can feel. Hanging the last peace of clothing on the line I can feel the summer heat turning up it’s power.

Thinking to myself; "I dam well better get my arse in gear so I can get what I need today before these legs get too shaky !” 

I have come to take pride in the old way of living. Where the woman looks after; the house, the food, making meals clean cloths and whatever else the family may need. Even now fighting my monster, these daily chores are high on my priority list to try and keep my life to the normal living we have had over the years.

Experiencing these tremors, reminds me that I have to put my physical needs first on my daily priority list, again. I need to start exercising, walking and myself first and my day. That way it’s done and out of the way.  The weakness and tremors only get worse as with heat/humidity. I know in the past with being in better physical shape, this weakness and shaking wasn’t as bad as today. 

To my surprise I came across an article on my Facebook news feed explaining this exact thing. Ataxia Tremors it is called. Reading it it backed up my own theory that I, was not getting enough activity before our heat wave have came….. if I had been more physically prepared I would not be experiencing these Ataxia Tremors as bad. With out it being visible to others, I feel I was luckier then others out there that have more problems that come with this symptom.   

Oh, yes! I knew I was going to struggle to complete my errands,  rushed to get everything done and return home before it became visible to others. I have always tried to hide what I feel and whats doing on with me, even before my diagnoses of Multiple Sclerosis. 

I always try to be that strong woman the community all looked upon, before my illness, not that it really matters. It’s a thing I try to do so I don’t get the pity response from everyone…….   

On this day with the  humidity quickly came the anxiety.  It started as I slowly walked up and put my stuff so the cashier could ring my things through. I don’t know why the anxiety started as I knew this girl and often chatted to her on a friend level.  She kinda gave me a funny look , like as if to say, "oh! She's having a bad day. ....it's ok, we all have our bad days.” , then smiled noticing that I was much slower then any other day and not quite myself. She didn't comment or say anything as I felt she was trying to ease  my pride and it was ok to me. 

I started to choke up.... I was trying not to say much.... 

I was thinking to myself; " At lest she knows that I have MS and  I am not drunk!  ...Dam you MS, for trying to do this to me !!! ……… 

I felt a lump in my throat get bigger and I began saying to myself; "Don't you cry!…..Don’t….. cry! Dam it don’t you cry! …Breathe…"

I know if I did cry , this poor young lady would want to say something….just hoping to ease the awkwardness, I could feel that we both where feeling. She is a very ….. kind soul.

I just wanted to get my errands done  that day and beet this "bastard" inside of me. He’s not just playing with my body he often plays with my emotions…..to get the attention I refuse to give this bastard within! 

Most people in our community know that I often keep to myself and can be stubborn. They also know that if I am bad enough and need help, that  I will  ask for it.  Just as the other symptoms we with MS have, the anxiety and the tremors are both are not visible to others at this stage, for me. I must say; "I am happy for that." 

When I got back home, I pulled out my phone and retread that article about Ataxia Tremors!  Wow! Yes I need to get back at being more active and get on top of my health with diet and exercise! I will do what I had done before….. start with walking!!!

So I am going to go back out in that heat and walk laps around my cool pool. I am going to drink lots of water remain positive …... I am going to get that Monster back in his box!!!  I will enjoy the summer and sun today! Just I'll do it MY WAY! 

Thanks again, 

Tuesday Motivation

Tuesday Motivation; Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can! Little by little you will see improvements! 😊 

Why am I withholding my diagnosis of MS?

I have been contemplating on letting it be known and freely voice that I have Multiple Sclerosis, MS for sometime now. I have come to realize that I have become a quiet person and withdrawn myself from society.  I am the same person I have always been. I have had this monster living within all my life. I have kept quiet at times because I am was ashamed or in denial of this stigma of the disease itself. Withdrawing, I feel it has been due to dealing with the impact of the reality of the diagnoses and the fears of what comes with that.  I have learned being diagnosed with MS is not a death sentence but a life sentence that just needs to be managed to substance my quality of life.   The fear of the unknown.

Fear is a liar that crushes the dreams and lives of many.  

Some of you probably have noticed, I have moved my  original Facebook page even and tried to leave MS behind me.  At this point maybe little bit of denial and being labelled with the stigma of becoming wheelchair bound.  I have tried to barrie myself in; fitness, health and wellness only to learn I keep coming back to this dam MS monster. I am learning no matter what I do, everything is affected by it, good or bad. The great thing I am learning is how to control this beast within.  I am learning what he likes that gives him strength and what he dislikes that give me the control I need to live my life.  

I hear and see others that are battling MS, pleasantly, many with great success. Everyone had their own journey with MS.  Each one of us are different and experience things differently.  Which is why they also call it the “SNOWFLAKE DISEASE.”  

Why am I withholding my illness? Hell, I live in a small town and it isn’t like everyone here doesn’t know anyway!  When I got ill  the bad  news traveled through town like a raging fire.

Like they say:"Bad news travels faster then good news these days!"

How would I ever feel I could hide this kinda news? LOL After all, I was the second lady in town who got her A-Z drivers license, the first woman was not retires.   As if that didn't get me known in this mall town but I was not only a Heavy Equipment Hauler but also an Operator!  In the early 2000's, that was not seen in this northern small town as it is now.  

Since my diagnosis, has my life changed? Dam right it has!! I am the same person I always have been, only I look at life differently and the things life has to offer.  I don’t take things for granted anymore.  Everything is a blessing to me and I appreciate more of the small things in life.  

My goal now is to step out of that comfort zone and let my voice be heard.  Share with others,  how even being ill with MS, we can choose our path in life, have goals.

I want to show others and those who are ill that things knock us down and stand in our way of our plans.   But no matter what, we don't have to give up on our future dreams we have but, that we might have to compromise on how to reach those goals !  We need to trust that along the way we will learn more then we ever expected and become better people, with our journey with rougher roads and experiences.  

March is MS Awareness Month.  I look forward to stepping out and stepping up and sharing and teaching what I have learned that MS is like to live with.  Help people understand what MS is and most of all what it is not.  Please give to the MS Research and lets find a way to stop this monster at his first appearance. 

Beautiful Winters Day

I decided after my funky side affects of skiing the other day, that MS through at me, that my thoughts where that maybe snow shoeing may be a little easier on my self today.  I am not sure yet if i have over done it today. My body lets me know within 24 hours if I over exerted myself, bye the MS symptoms that a pear from no where. Like Saturday evening I was overwhelmed and had off and on vision blurriness and was totally existed yesterday.

Today, I did push myself to go snow shoeing.  With the sun shining and it being such a beautiful day out, I had to at lest go for a short adventure. Plus, I thought it would also give my dogs some well needed exercise.  I was sure they would burn some of that energy they had wading in the snow. I was right.  They are all now sleeping curled up by the wood stove!

The beauty of the sun shining through the fresh fallen snow on the trees, I couldn't help myself but to take pictures!  The beauty of nature.  The sound of the dried leaves on the trees blowing in the wind was music to my ears. Isn't it funny how once we get sick and so much has been taken from us, that we some how enjoy the little things in life that we use to take for granted.  I am feeling blessed that I am able to still do the outdoor activities that I enjoyed so much as a young teen. 

Even though I do find it difficult and take many breaks, I know I will physically benefit from pushing my limits, when the warmer months come. Experiencing from winters in the past, not only will I loose some weight but my flexibility, balance and endurance will be improved by then. I am feeling how difficult it has become from over doing it last winter and fulling short on my plan to build myself up. I am determined that this year will not be a repeat of that.  

Once I feel a little more confidant that I can invite some others to join me.  My daughter Sharmaine was my snow shoe buddy a few years back while she lived at home.  Last winter I did manage to get out with my nabour who loves snow shoeing as well.  For the time being pacing myself and getting through the struggles of a new activity always makes me feel I must do in private.  Maybe its the venerability of allowing others to actually see my struggles is uncomfortable for me.  As a woman who started working in the construction field when woman where not excepted in a male dominated work profession.  Now it is no big deal seeing woman excelling in this area. Maybe it's a little of my pride/ego too.

I have posted a few pictures of the beauty I experienced today on my adventure though our property. Until next time.... Never Give Up and know Its' Never too late.....

Soon a good bye to 2014

WOW! I can't believe it’s been almost a year since my last post! Seems to be the way it goes! Summer months are the hardest on me.  This past year (2014), has really dragged on.  I have really been fighting to keep my Monster In His Box!  It really has been a constant struggle.

As I type  I am thinking about the year that has past. I have found new ways to look at living my life. I have a new attitude maybe learned from the books I have read as well as my daily life’s struggles.  Reminiscing over this past year, brings thoughts of the people that have passed, those who have came back into my life, as well as those that are new aquittances, making my year better and hopeful in looking at the new year that approaches. Hoping to put the new learned things into action.

Although I have experienced medium exasperations and fatigue, off and on thought out this time, I have still got a good report from my Nero regarding my MS.  I have the plans of starting a new approach to my eating.  A Dr Terry Wahls has finally published her Wahls Protocol Book this year in USA, soon to be released in Canada.  I however not only have purchased and downloaded a copy from IBook but also ITunes so I can lesson to the audio version. This is very exciting for me as it promotes a new way of healthy eating, Polio style and active living. The only concern is its wheat, sugar and dairy free.  I have done the sugar and gluten free years before I was diagnosed but the thought of giving up Milk and Cheese.  Now that, I will be a challenge!

Now to you as my reader, I do plan to share more of this journey through out this year.  I have tried to rearrange things to hope share what works for me.

Does your life depend on it?

Today having more energy then I have had in sometime and am so excited.  I feel my Fatigue Management approach is actually starting to over power this Monster. I always get disappointed when I know I'm loosing my battle and my physical/mental abilities has been compromised and fatigue has set in. In knowing the difficult climb I am in for to regain my stamina and strength.

I love this motivational picture.  As I do believe; "My Life Depends On staying active."  Within the last 3 years of this chronic illness I am finding summer feeds this monster and slowly Creeps out from his box.  This last two years I find by pushing myself with slow intervals of physical activity helps me gain control of this illness with on and off battles throughout the seasons. But with each time, it seems not only to be harder physically but quicker to regain myself.

Starting to become active, is a challenge for the average person but even more so when you have the MSMonster fighting against you along the way.  

What it is like to fight MS? 
My battle with it as I call it; "My Monster in the Box! "

Visualize a big hairy monster (Giant like, like in the movies). Now visualize yourself, wrestling that huge strong beast and trying to place him in a steel cage or box....by yourself.  With thing but your own body and strength. 

That is my experience and struggle with this beast within,  adding this over powering fatigue that over whelms those of us with MS. 

I fight this monster with exercise and a plant basted diet. I start with walking and work my way up to more challenging activities. I do push myself to exercise just like the fitness gruo' out there. However, that monster knocks be down when I have pushed my body to far.  He then show’s himself setting me back, sometimes back to the start. 

I believe that I am doing this for My Life Depends On It. To fight back and stay active. My quality of life.  I refuse to use a wheel chair and pray that I will never have to…. But if I do, you can bet, I will be fighting to get out of that thing and walk again.

How low pressure can affects MS

Today maybe a trying day for me,  as it is for others. I tell myself; "I have been given this challenge to show others, how to live and grow, battling this monster, that so many don't understand." I believe having a positive mental attitude is an important key to live a positive fulfilling life no matter what your challenge is.

Today the weather lows are playing upon my head, with not only pressure but, the feeling a tingling sensation across the top of my brain, that seems to toggle off and on where-ever and whenever. 

Yes , it tingles while I get the feeling of my hair lifting as it moves around. Adding a swirling motion to my balance just makes it more entertaining for the moment and makes me thankful for my time I have being healthy and without this presence. 

However, when days like these arrive, like an unexpected unwanted guest, I try to live my life making things seem normal, as it once was. By pushing myself to complete the simplest things around the home and keeping a positive attitude, I believe is not just an example for my family as well as those others me, that there is always a good side to every experience.  I find and not only be challenging but the way I see it, I need to look at what I can do, not what I can't. I know it is just for a while and tomorrow will bring a new day with new beginnings.

I try to live my life making things seem normal, as it once was, by pushing myself to complete the simplest things around the home. I don't want pity or others to feel sorry,or bad for me because my family and I Live with me having MS I just want people aware that things don't aways seem as wonderful as the look and appear. I hope this blog will help others understand more about those living with Multiple  Sclerosis (MS).

I do believe that we attract, what we think.  So think positive and believe things will only get better.  Be thankful for what you have and can do today! I am thankful for all the good in my life!